Richard and the Afterthought
by wliu81
Summary: Richard reflects upon his relationship with Caroline and their parting in the airport, as well as his recent experiences as a father, whilst in Italy


**RICHARD AND THE AFTERTHOUGHT   
**

**'This is the life I've always loved, and to escape from the hectic and busy life of New York. Italy is so much different in comparison that I cannot describe how wonderful this place is. Being a father was something I had never envisaged beyond my wildest dreams. Of course there were occasions where I was doubting myself in regards to being a parent, and hence I was dreading this moment. I cannot believe I am saying this but I love being a dad. I cannot believe I said that to Charlie and I cannot believe I am saying it now. I just wish I could share this experience with a special someone in my life- no not Annie or Del, although come to think of it, Del is not that bad but with Caroline. Sweet Caroline Duffy… now she IS really someone of whom holds a special place in my heart. At first, I always saw her as being very upbeat, perky, she has such a positive and vibrant side to her character that had captured my heart, and alas, has made me fall head over heels in love with her. As much as we had our problems, we both managed to work them out, which is a testament to our character and worth as people. The look on her face when I told her I only want one child was terrible; I remembered it well enough and the tears that came strolling down her face said it all. I still love Caroline. I told her that and from what I saw she seemed to acknowledge that. Reminiscing what had happened, I cannot believe what I said to her, in that I didn't want anymore kids. I was a selfish asshole. Who the hell did I think I was by denying her a child, whilst accepting and acknowledging Stefano only? Our parting still hurts me still, as much as it has hurt her- but the fact that she is not here with me right now to share our joy and happiness, disheartens me as well. My life is not the same without her in the picture, as she has to be a part of this. But sadly and unfortunately, she is not. I know that I have always made life difficult for the both of us and for her but I would never go out of my way to hurt her, intentionally or unintentionally. The main reason being as to why I had always kept myself at a distance from her was because I was afraid that not also would she discover my flaws and dump me but because of my previous relationships, for me it was either down to the fact that I had screwed up every chance that I had or because the women I had dated, and, in the case of Julia, married, were incompatible and all wrong for me. Caroline was different: she was different in many ways yes but I felt we had so much in common with each other. She was the only person I could count on for a shoulder to cry on, and yet, she also came to me when she was experiencing her share of bad times as well. I owe her a great deal of respect and admiration towards Caroline.   
**

**I must admit that our relationship had been rocky at times but we still managed to work things out in the end; likewise for instance, when I got arrested for mistakenly stealing a man's wallet whilst on the train, Caroline was able to bail me out, also when she bought one of my paintings, the one of which she had rescued it from the hands of that swine, Councilman Robert Lake. I for one also did her a lot of good deeds- like when I tired to warn Caroline that Tom Barner was a married man- by which she had known already. We had so many great memories as co-workers, friends… and most of all, as lovers. And so, I fail to see what attracted Caroline to Randy. As much as I want to believe that she has never cheated on me with him, I just don't understand why she would choose to marry a man she had just met up a few months ago. I've known Caroline for 4 years, and despite the fact that that idiot stole her away from me the truth is that it should me that ought to be the one standing at the altar alongside Caroline- not Randy. But now is not the time to be angry, as I have a son of whom I love very much, and he for one is too young to realize the ugliness of the situation that Caroline, myself and Randy are in right now. Though I was heartbroken, I'd never thought that she would marry someone else, I mean, with us we always talked about marriage and everything else. Though I suppose my decision not to have anymore children with her killed off all hope. God I was stupid: stupid enough to deny her a child of our own because of my own stubbornness and selfishness. I do hope that one day she takes me back and falls in love with me again because my life is never the same without her presence. Stefano and I are doing well and as much as I am happy, I am not entirely happy. Why? Because Caroline, the only woman of whom I truly love – is not with me right at this moment; I know how much she loves children, especially babies and I have no doubt she will fall in love with Stefano.   
**

**I will go to the wedding, as I want to see for myself that Caroline has gotten over me and whether she has done so. And by marrying Randy will I know for certain my chance with her is gone, forever. I will be aching deep down but I have to remain strong, knowing that I need this closure in order for me to know that with us, it is history and that we can both move on with our own lives . Whatever happens though, my heart will always belong to her and I will always love her regardless. I will be thinking about her day and night. I just hope and pray that luck is on my side, and that Caroline doesn't marry Randy. If that happens, then I will be a very happy man indeed.' **

**THE END **


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